Surviving Friendships Post Baby: One Woman's Experience on Life After Childbirth
- Demitra Mensah
- Mar 14, 2016
- 4 min read
Are you one of those parents who had a baby, and then realized most of your relationships became distant or non-existent?
Well that happened to me. I remember when I was pregnant a close friend of mine who also has a baby said
“when you have a baby the relationship with your partner becomes harder to maintain, and friendships aren’t usually the same”
Tati you haven’t lied!
When I was pregnant I was not able to do certain things my friends were, so I was usually left behind. I missed so many events, and outings, but I was fine with that. I did not have the urge to hang out late, and do the things they were doing. I was excited about preparing for this new chapter in my life.
Now that baby girl is here, my spare time is limited. I literally live by a schedule, so sometimes I can’t talk on the phone for hours like I used to or just pick up and leave to have dinner with friends. My friends are pretty understanding, but our friendships aren’t the same, especially since most of them do not have any kids. We are just in two different places in life, with different priorities.
In the beginning I remember a friend saying, 'Well your mom said whenever you need her to watch your daughter she would so you should use that to your advantage.' Although my mom is always willing to watch my daughter so that I am able to still maintain a social life, I choose not to. Especially that I am a fulltime worker, I am already away from my daughter so many hours throughout the day, so the guilt of going out weighs heavy.
Some of my friends who have had babies said things got rocky in their relationship, compelling them to call it quits, or their were dads who just left and are missing in action. Thank God for my relationship, which I pray on daily is still going strong. I think having our daughter brought us closer, and made our relationship stronger. It is not easy but you fight for what you believe in; mutually (so cliché. but so true).
I will say this- having a baby does make a relationship harder. The attention you were giving to your significant other goes to your child. Most of your time is spent being a caregiver; because a baby is a lot of work and they require a lot of attention.
And, when you work a full time job, get home and spend time with your child, put them down to sleep, you are exhausted. I have always had the nickname "Granny" but I think I am really living up to the name now because sometimes I am asleep by 8:30pm! There were many days when I would just come home and it was straight mommy duties, forgetting about everything else, so those extra minutes after putting the baby to sleep, to just talk about anything with your partner, is so worth it.
Communication has definitely helped me in all of my relationships. If I miss my friends I have no problem calling them and telling them so. If I feel like a mommy and daddy date is needed, I am making reservations. My advice would be to communicate your feelings in all of your relationships, make a conscious effort to spend time, or even make a phone call. And, if some of your relationships do not work out, don’t beat yourself up. It is fine and you will get through.
Have you lost friends, significant others or became distant post baby? If so I’d like to hear some stories in the comment section.
Love,
-Demitra
Demitra Mensah is my name. Brooklyn, Ny is where I was born and raised. I am a young woman who is still in love with her elementary school sweetheart; 14 years, and one beautiful baby girl later. Life could not be better at this point.
I am a brand new mom to a precious 1 year old; the greatest thing that has happened to me yet. Anyone who knows me, knows that her dad and I are truly obsessed with her, no like SERIOUSLY. We are 1st time parents! What can you say? We’re definitely enjoying the experience.
I am not a professional writer, or anything of that sort, I just want to share my life as a young woman, who is trying her best to balance being a full-time worker, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a lifetime partner, and the best of them all; a mother. My purpose is to inspire other young parents like myself, to be all that you can be, and to show the world that because you’re young doesn’t mean you cannot be a great parent. My post are inspired from God, my loved ones, my personal experiences, my truth, and simply what works for me.
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